In the decades I have lived on earth, I have seen all sorts of things and experienced all sorts of things. Absolutely nothing — I mean nothing — prepared me for the kind of public disgrace that comes with soft-launching a man who already has a wife and kids.
Soft launch, in case you do not know what it means, is when you introduce a relationship using photos or videos without officially confirming it. You let your followers piece it together. You let the evidence accumulate. You let your enemies suffer quietly while knowing nothing for certain.
He took me to an Italian restaurant on a waterfront. The ambience was romantic. The food was a ten over ten, the drinks were on point. Everything on the table was Pinterest-worthy and a great idea for Instagram. I picked up my phone and took a photo of him right before he took a sip from the wine glass. He looked so handsome. I decided to use a less obvious one. I was not ready to show his full face, but I wanted my enemies and friendly enemies to know that I had a man.
So I posted him.
Nothing crazy. Just a side profile. A well-filtered photo of our hands locked over brunch, with the caption: My peace.
Sis. My mistake.
Twenty-Four Hours Later — My DMs
I was shaking.
"He quoted Psalms and still had the nerve to say 'I see a future with you.' Future ke? Inside another woman's marriage?"
It was not just that he was married. It was how confidently he lied. How he prayed before our meals. He sent me Bible verses in the morning. This man quoted Psalms and still had the nerve to say "I see a future with you." Future ke? Inside another woman's marriage? And the worst part — I had started imagining Mrs. status. I had already told my bestie, "This one's different." Meanwhile, he was just good at pretending. A whole actor. Deserves an AMVCA and one hot slap.
Do you know how embarrassing it is to have to un-launch a man in silence? To delete a post like you are performing deliverance? To sit in your room, lashes in one hand, tissues in the other, wondering how you — the queen of vibes and good taste — entered this kind of ashewostic mess?
No, let us be honest. Some of these men are not just deceptive. They are anointed manipulators. Ordained by confusion. Covered in deceit. And they will pray with you, eat with you, make you feel like answered prayer — while going home to someone else at night.
What I Know Now
Vet these men like you are hiring for CEO. Google is free. LinkedIn is open. Facebook will shock you with information you did not know you needed.
Do not post anyone's hand, face, kneecap, or beard until you have met his mother, seen his house, and interviewed at least two of his friends.
Stop romanticising confusion. If it is confusing, it probably is not good. Clarity is not too much to ask.
No experience is wasted if you can turn it into a story.
Nobody will ever soft-launch me into disgrace again. If I post him next time, he better come with receipts, family references, a baptismal certificate, and a bank statement. Because this babe? I have learned.
— Lola · The Pepper Gazette