The Veranda · Advice Column
Agony aunt meets big aunty energy. Send your relationship, friendship, and lifestyle questions. Get an honest answer — in the voice that doesn't sugarcoat anything.
"She will tell you what your friends are too polite to say and what your mother is too afraid to hear."
No question is too messy
All submissions are anonymous unless you say otherwise
Lola answers in her own voice — expect honesty
Selected questions published every Thursday
This Week's Answer
The Question
"My friend got engaged to a man I know is wrong for her. He is not a bad man — he just isn't the right man for who she is becoming. Do I say something, or do I stay in my lane and smile at the wedding?"
— Anonymous, Lagos
The first thing I want to ask you is: what do you mean by wrong? Because that word is doing a lot of work in your question, and the answer changes completely depending on what you mean.
If you mean he is unkind, controlling, or you have seen something that genuinely frightens you for her safety — say something. Say it once, clearly, privately, without drama. Then leave it alone. You are her friend, not her guardian. You plant the seed and you let her water it in her own time.
But if what you mean is that he is not who you would choose for her — that he is too quiet, too comfortable, too ordinary for the woman you can see her becoming — that is a different matter entirely. That is your vision for her life, not her vision for her life. And those two things are not the same.
Stay in your lane. Smile at the wedding. Be the friend she can call at 2am in three years if she needs you — not the one who poisoned the well before she even had a chance to drink from it. The most dangerous thing a woman can do to her friend is make her feel watched and judged at the exact moment she needs to feel loved.
You can hold your concerns and still show up fully. That is what love actually looks like.
— Lola
Love
On the difference between a good relationship and the right one — and whether that line even exists.
Lifestyle
On Instagram, comparison, and the quiet art of staying in your own lane when the whole world seems to be running.
Family
A letter to every Nigerian daughter who has ever sat through that dinner table conversation.
Friendship
On the grief of growing apart from someone you never stopped loving — and whether friendship can survive it.
Love
On choosing yourself when the cost is everyone else's opinion. And why that is not selfishness.
Lifestyle
On unlearning the lie that your worth is measured by how busy you are — and what rest actually requires.
Send Your Question
You don't have to have it figured out. You just have to be honest. Lola reads every submission personally.
All submissions are anonymous by default
Questions may be lightly edited for clarity
Not every question gets published — but Lola reads them all
No topic is off limits — love, family, money, friendship, all of it
She reads every one personally. If yours is selected, it'll appear in the next Thursday issue — check back then.